Phase One: Tension Building - Lasts from days to several months, with no violence.

Batterer:

• fears abandonment and uses abuse to control partner
• blames partner for problems
• often jealous

Victim:

• thinks she deserves it
• minimizes her pain
• feels like she is walking on "eggshells"
• takes responsibility for fixing relationship

Phase Two: Violent Episode - Violence occurs now and may last for hours or 2-3 days.

Batterer:

• extreme rage
• desires to "teach her a lesson"
• out of control
• irrational

Victim:

• feels terrified
• may allow herself to express her own anger by fighting back
• afterwards, feels depressed and helpless

Phase Three: The Honeymoon - This is a kind and loving period, also called "hope" or "hook" phase.

Batterer:

• feels guilty and sad
• may cry and beg for forgiveness
• promises to change
• may appear to be loving and kind

Victim:

• feels happy and hopeful
• feels sympathetic toward her partner

Note: This does not always occur in a perfect cycle. Sometimes the abuse skips stages or goes back and forth between stages.